Padma Patil

Distractions Before Dinner

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:23:51 GMT

“Dean,” I call to his closed bedroom door, “we’re going to be late.”

“We’ve still got time,” he calls back.

I slowly walk through his kitchen, checking the bare cupboards. It seems that since Dean and I have been together he’s stopped trying to eat on his own completely. There’s barely enough here for one meal. I glance at the clock on the wall and groan. “It’s your sister we’re meeting for dinner! I don’t want to make a bad impression by being late!”

Dean’s head pops out from his bedroom. “Pug’s always late,” he grins. “And she knows I am too.”

“But I’m not!” I exclaim as Dean’s door closes again. “I’m never late,” I mutter, knowing that arguing with him will do no good. Dean will be ready to go when he’s ready to go. I swear, though, that he can be worse than a witch.

Since there’s nothing in the cupboards to take the edge of my appetite, I abandon the kitchen and move on to Dean’s living room. One of these days I’m going to learn to stay at my flat until Dean is completely ready to leave. At least there I have books to read. Merlin knows Dean doesn’t have any decent reading material in his flat unless you count art books with pictures and captions.

I sit down on the couch, but my legs are shaking so badly I can’t get comfortable. I don’t know why I’m nervous. Technically, I’ve met Pug before. It just wasn’t under the best of circumstances. But I want her to like me because I know how much Dean values her opinion. I’m not exactly used to spending a lot of time around Muggles, especially in Muggle London. I would prefer to have a meeting of this much importance in a place where I’m more comfortable, but Pug wanted us to go out together, so go out it is.

“Are you ready yet?” I whine. It doesn’t actually take Dean very long to get ready; he just waits until the last minute to start. And then he realized how much it bugs me that he waits until the last minute, so he’s started doing it intentionally. He loves to get a rise out of me, and normally I don’t mind… just not tonight.

Just as I’m about to storm into Dean’s bedroom and drag him out, ready or not, I spot a notebook on the coffee table. It looks like the notebook that contained all of the drawings of Zara. I’m trying not to be jealous, but I can’t compete with this woman if he’s still in love with her memory. Not that he can’t love her, I just don’t want him to be in love with her.

Merlin, listen to me. I don’t even know if I’m in love with him, much less if he’s in love with me.

I can’t resist and I pick up the notebook to see if it is indeed the notebook full of Zara. I’m shocked that instead of Zara’s face staring back at me, it’s my own. A quick glance through the few pages shows that the notebook is of me. I feel flattered, insecure, and not entirely sure what to make of it all. Dean’s talent is overwhelming; he has a way of making me look beautiful in a way I don’t think I deserve.

“What are you doing?” Dean asks quietly from his place behind the couch.

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like me looking through your notebooks,” I stutter, mortified at having been caught. I turn around so I can look in his face to apologize, but the stunned expression freezes me in my tracks. He doesn’t look mad, just surprised.

“I overreacted last time because it was Zara, and things were still…” his voice trails off and he looks towards the ground. He sounds so sad, so vulnerable. It hits me that his art is very personal for him; it’s when he’s exposed to the world. I just want to wrap my arms around him and protect him. If only life were so simple.

“They’re very good,” I say quietly, moving from the couch to where Dean’s standing. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. “You’re quite talented.” I pause, unsure of how he’ll react to what I want to say. “Maybe you should focus on your art again, now that you’re unemployed.”

His body tenses slightly. “That was my old life.”

His life with Zara…

“But there’s no rule that you can’t bring parts of your old life into your new life,” I reply, ignoring the pang in my chest. “I always sort of fancied the starving artist type.” I’m struggling to lighten the conversation, to keep us both happy before our dinner.

“I wouldn’t be starving, you know,” he says. “My dad, he left me some money. Not a whole lot, mind you, but I could survive without working for a bit.”

I raise my eyebrows. That’s news to me.

“Mr Macmillan had a letter from my dad he gave me a couple of days ago,” Dean begins. “There’s a vault of his with some gold. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. It’s just something I needed to do alone.”

“It sounds like you have a lot to consider, then,” I smile. Suddenly I’m overcome with a sense of boldness I’ve never felt before. I pull back slightly so I can look at Dean properly. “But you know, if you are going to focus on your art, maybe you need a real subject to practice on.”

“Meaning?” Dean grins.

“Meaning,” I reply, feeling my cheeks flush, “that I could sit for you.”

Dean leans down and kisses me softly. I can feel my body practically melting in his arms. Suddenly going to dinner with his sister is the last thing on my mind.

“Did I ever tell you that you look nice tonight?” he whispers, his face inches from mine.

“I didn’t mean I should sit for you tonight,” I laugh. “Tonight we have dinner with your sister.”

He leans down and kisses me again. “Are you sure you want to go to dinner?”

“No,” I reply, struggling to catch my breath, “but we can’t stand up your sister. She’d never forgive us.”

“If you insist,” he says dramatically. My body immediately misses being close to his, and for a split second I actually consider skipping dinner.

“I do,” I say, inwardly hating my sense of responsibility as we walk out the door.

One Day at a Time

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 23:12:15 GMT

Once again, I’m consumed with feelings of guilt. Last night I didn’t go out to fight against Lucius Malfoy’s forces attacking Hogsmeade. I was asleep as soon as I had eaten dinner since I’ve been working so hard lately, but I know that even if I’d been awake I wouldn’t have gone to battle. After Peru, my entire body just breaks out in shakes at the mere thought of being part of another battle. I know that one day I will find myself in the middle of a battlefield again, but I’m just not ready yet. Thinking about fighting makes me think about Ernie and my selfish thoughts before he died; thinking about fighting makes me think about almost dying myself.

Not only did the Order lose the battle last night, but Dean was there and lost his job because of it. He lost his job because of his involvement to try and help the war. Maybe if I had been there something would have turned out differently.

Or maybe I would have been another casualty of the war…

I shudder at the mere thought of losing another of my friends to the war. I really thought we were through of the times when we lived in fear. I have to wonder if we’ll ever see peace in our lifetime.

“Tea’s done,” I tell Dean as I walk into my living room and sit on the couch next to him. I place the teacups on my coffee table without ever really offering one to Dean. I fixed it more for something to do than because either of us wanted it. I lean against him and snuggle under his arm. He leans his head against mine and sighs.

“Thanks.”

“Things will work out, you know,” I remind him gently. “You’re too talented to remain unemployed for long.”

“What’ll pay the bills in the mean time?” he asks.

“It’ll just remind you what it’s like to be the starving artist type,” I tease, poking his side.

Dean laughs and pulls me onto his lap. “Is that so? I thought it would be impossible to starve as long as you were in my life. You’re always trying to fatten me up.”

“Hey!” I squeal as Dean takes advantage of his grasp on me and begins to tickle my sides. I start squirming in his lap trying to get away. “Stop it!” Dean only laughs and doubles his efforts. I start kicking and flailing my legs around, but I’m laughing too hard to really care. I love these moments of silliness with Dean. With everything else going on, it’s the moments like these that make the hard times bearable.

“Ouch!” Dean yelps as one of my flying arms accidentally collides with his chin. I guiltily slide to the floor as Dean rubs his face.

“I’m so sorry!”

“I bet,” Dean snorts, trying his hardest to sound angry with me.

“If you had just stopped when I asked,” I laugh, leaning back on my elbows. “You got what was coming to you.”

“So I deserved to have my teeth loosened by your elbow?” he laughs. “No, I think you need to be punished in some way.” He slides off the couch and places his legs on either side of me. He reaches forward and places his hands on either side of my arms so I’m effectively pinned in place. I know we must look a sight, trapped on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, but the moment is so strangely intimate that I feel a chill go down my spine.

“What’s my punishment going to be?” I whisper as Dean leans forward so his face is only inches from my own.

“We’ll work something out,” he says, so softly I can barely hear him, before pressing his lips against mine. I slowly lower myself to the ground and pull Dean with me. A small moan escapes my lips as his body weight settles on me. Dean trails his hands along my sides and turns his head slightly as I kiss his neck. I trail kisses along his jaw and bring my hands up his back. I slowly run my foot up his leg, bringing the leg of his trousers with me.

“Dean.” His name escapes my lips like a call for something, but even I’m not sure what. I arch my back slightly, trying to bring myself even closer to him. He runs his hands through my hair and then drags them back down my sides.

“Ouch!” he yelps, pulling away from me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious. Dean sits back on his knees and swears under his breath. I finally realize that he’s holding his elbow, and that it’s bleeding slightly.

“I hit my elbow on the table and something cut me,” he explains.

“We must not have fixed it properly after we, er, broke it,” I reply, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. “Where’s my wand? I can help with the cut.” Dean motions to the kitchen and I pull myself from the floor. A few minutes later Dean’s arm is as good as new, but the moment is effectively ruined. He does look a little mussed from the effort though, and I can only imagine that I look the same. I give him my hand and pull him from the floor to the couch, and we settle back into the same position we started in before the tickling began.

“Tea’s cold,” Dean says, a hint of laughter in his voice. But his joke doesn’t have the effect I think he intended; it reminds me of why I made the tea in the first place. I sigh and try to get as close to Dean as possible. I need to feel the warmth of his body when everything else in the world feels bleak.

“Parvati’s leaving,” I say glumly. I don’t look forward to not being near my sister again. Even though we don’t see each other as much these days, I know that she’s just down the street.

“She’s leaving for love,” Dean points out. “Real love this time instead of the fantasy of a French bloke.”

“You know that if you have trouble finding another job and money gets tight, I’m here for you, right?” I feel Dean tense slightly, and I quickly move to clarify. “I just meant to say that we might consider moving in together if you were struggling with the rent. Not that I’m trying to make assumptions about our relationship or what you might want. I just wanted you to know that I thought it might be an option if things came to that. Merlin, I’m rambling again!”

Dean chuckles and kisses my temple. “I think we can just take things one day at a time.”

I nod and we fall into comfortable silence. Dean’s right though; right now all we can manage to do is take things one day at a time.

Looking for Help

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 16:18:35 GMT

After leaving Gringotts yesterday with Dean, my mind was racing a mile a minute. The gravity of the situation is completely frightening, and I couldn’t think of anyone better to help us figure things out than Melinda. I owled her right away and insisted that she come meet me for dinner to discuss things. I don’t think she was completely happy with the manner in which I refused to take no for an answer since she had already eaten dinner, but she did meet me.

While I explained things to Melinda, her focus was strangely averted from our table. It almost seemed like she was looking for someone to be watching us. Once I had managed to tell her everything, all she could bring herself to say was that I shouldn’t have involved her.

It was the strangest thing; in one breathe she was saying she shouldn’t be involved and in the next she was asking to look at my notes. I suppose the whole thing brought back bad memories of what ever happened to her in Egypt. I wish I had thought to remove some of the notes about Dean’s father and his notebook before I let her look at him; not because I don’t trust her, but because it is something that is very personal for him.

I suppose I wouldn’t have thought twice about giving her the information about the notebook if that hadn’t been what she asked the most questions about. At one point she even asked to see the notebook, but I flat out refused. Dean didn’t want me telling her about any of this. Besides, I told her that Dean was the only one who could actually read it.

Our meeting took an awkward turn when Melinda finally asked me why I was so involved with Dean’s father’s notebook. After stuttering for a few minutes, I finally caved and admitted that Dean and I had just started seeing each other. Her eyes softened and for a moment the notebook and horcruxes were forgotten. It felt good to finally tell someone about the person who is making me so happy. I feel horrible being happy while people are hurt and dying, but I can’t help how Dean makes me feel. I haven’t felt this way in a long, long time.

When I left Melinda I felt much better, knowing that someone smarter than me was puzzling the mystery of the notebook, maps, and horcruxes. It felt good to know that Melinda was going to do everything in her power to help me, despite her reservations. I just hope that she’ll be able to figure something out that Dean and I haven’t.

Settling Back In

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 04:59:51 GMT

After Harry and Ginny’s wedding I spent the night in my old bedroom at Mum and Dad’s house. This morning I had to break the news to Mum that not only was I not returning to India, I was moving back into my flat. She didn’t take the news well. Apparently, she liked the idea that I was letting her have a say in my life again. It did appease her slightly that Parvati has decided not to move back with me for now. I can’t say I blame her, I just feel the need to be independent again.

I realized that I have to stop letting my problems control my life. I have to face my problems, not run away from them. Right now, I’m just glad Dean isn’t round so I don’t have to face him. I don’t think I’d be able to handle what he has to say.

This morning I took the first step in getting back into my normal life. I went by Neville’s flat and, after a very awkward conversation when we tried to find something to talk about other than Parvati, I released the charm on his flat. I suppose it wouldn’t have been a good thing if I had moved to India permanently with his flat still hidden. He did mention that Dean was at his parent’s house because his sister is sick, so at least I know he’s not avoiding me. Yet.

With the latest round of attacks still fresh in my memory, it is frightening to know that neither Dean nor Parvati are here if something happens. Maybe it’s for the best, though, the way trouble seems to follow me around. If something else happens, at least no one else will get hurt. Maybe I’ll talk to Melinda to see if she knows any ancient Egyptian charms for reversing bad luck.

After I finish unpacking my suitcase and settling back into my flat, I feel restless. My first instinct is to run across the hall to see what Dean’s doing, but not only is he not home, I’m not sure my presence would be welcome. I could pop in on Anthony, but I’m not sure what the rules are on visiting your ex unannounced. Even though we’re on good terms, I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything if he was with Lisa. I would go back to Mum and Dad’s and spend some time with Parvati, but I’m not sure if I go back I’d be able to say no to Mum when she asked me to stay again.

I guess my only option is to sit at home and wallow in my loneliness. It’s scary to have nothing to think about but what I’m doing in my life. I’m questioning everything; what I felt for Dean, where I should be working, where I should be living… So many questions and only time can reveal the answers.

Packing My Bags

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 03:49:11 GMT

I think I’m losing my mind. I went to visit Dean last night, but after seeing how awful he looked I couldn’t manage to face him. Does he know that I’m the one responsible for his kidnapping? If he does, he must me angry with me. I’m so disappointed in myself; I can’t imagine what he thinks.

I throw a few more of my things into my suitcase and sigh. I’ve decided to leave the country for a little while. I went to have lunch with Mum and Dad today, and Mum suggested that Parvati and I go stay with her parents in India for a little while. While I doubted Parvati would want to go, I was glad to hear Mum’s meddling for once. I feel like I just bring trouble to everyone I love, and think that getting away for a little while may be the best thing for me. That way I won’t have to face Dean or deal with how he must hate me.

I don’t realize I’m crying again until I notice the wet spots on my suitcase. I’ve taken a leave of absence from work and, with some help from Dad, have pre-paid the rent on my flat for the next few months. It was one of the things I asked from Mum when I said I would go. I needed to know that I’d have a place to come back to when I was ready, and Mum was just happy that I was agreeing to remove myself from all of the attacks. I didn’t bother to argue that the attacks could spread around the world, or that she couldn’t lock me away from the troubles in the world this time. I need to get away for awhile.

Of course, I know I’ll be back at the end of the week for Ginny and Harry’s wedding. The question is where I’ll be going after that. If I can make myself feel better in India than I do right now, I may stay for an extended period of time. Mum wants me to stay until the attacks completely stop. I didn’t bother to tell her that may never happen. I just want to stop feeling so guilty, and I’m willing to try anything.

I feel bad for leaving Parvati right now when she’s broken hearted, but she above anyone else understands doing what you think is best for someone else. Since she’s still sleeping a lot to recover from the spell damage she suffered at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange, we said our goodbyes earlier today. I haven’t told her my trip is indefinite, she just knows that I’ll be back for the wedding.

Dad arranged for me to take an international portkey tonight with some of his contacts in the Indian ministry. There isn’t really time to say goodbye to anyone, but I’ll be back soon. Honestly, who would miss a walking disaster like me?

Searching for Dean

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 04:04:43 GMT

“Alohamora,” I whisper, my wand shaking as I point it at Dean’s door. I was angry when he first stood me up, but after talking to Parvati and Neville I became concerned. What finally moved me to action, however, was finding the note crammed under my door from Dean that said he’d see me at seven on Friday.

After hearing a soft click I push open Dean’s door. It concerns me that it would have only taken seconds to break into his flat. He might as well have not locked the door.

“Dean?” I call cautiously. It doesn’t look like anyone’s been in his flat this weekend. I take another step into the flat and it suddenly dawns on me that it doesn’t look like Dean’s been in his flat in months. “It’s much too clean in here,” I mutter.

There isn’t anything scattered on the floor like normal. The shelves are neat and organized. While it doesn’t look as clean as my flat, it definitely doesn’t look like Dean’s either. I feel a chill go down my spine as I consider the implications. It doesn’t look like Dean just went to his parent’s house for the weekend.

“Please be okay,” I whisper, continuing to poke around for anything suspicious. I freeze in place when I look down at Dean’s coffee table. Not only are the books on the table neatly stacked, but they’re his art books. Dean doesn’t like anyone to see his art books. He doesn’t like to discuss his art work at all. It’s been one of my biggest concerns about, well, about discussing our feelings. He’s got a past he’s keeping locked away. He would never leave that past neatly stacked in his living room.

I slowly back out of his flat, scared to touch anything that might be a clue as to where Dean is. I need to talk to people who know what they’re doing when it comes to crime scenes. Fighting the urge to start crying, I move to contact Justin and ask him for help.

Sleepless Nights

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 04:43:37 GMT

I’m lying in bed but I can’t sleep. I’ve got too much on my mind.

I’ve taken a lot of time to myself this week. Even though I wasn’t really upset about my break up with Anthony, it took a lot out of me. I had a lot of unresolved feelings for Anthony to sort through, but I think I finally settled them all in the friend category. If only I could say the same for my feelings for Dean.

Dean… I feel like he’s avoiding me, and I don’t know why. I’m terrified I scared him off the other day, but I was so certain he was feeling something in the moment as well. I want to go to dinner with him tomorrow so we can try to settle things. Almost an opportunity to show all our cards so we know where the other stands. For all I know, he’s actually secretly involved with the mystery woman with red hair I thought might be Zara.

It feels like just yesterday I thought I was about to be engaged to Diego. I can only imagine how it felt to Dean to have a broken engagement. Of course, he’s never actually told me why his engagement was broken. Maybe he did the breaking and his heart wasn’t quite as wounded as mine was.

Turning over on my side, I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I finally got through the mess left behind in my office and discovered that all my files on Egypt were gone. I’m trying not to think it has anything to do with Melinda’s mysterious reappearance. I don’t know if I can emotionally handle another big surprise right now. I’m trying to focus on the fact that I had extra copies of my Egypt notes in my flat, not that this is the second time they’ve been stolen.

Tomorrow will hopefully bring answers to so many of the questions that are keeping me awake. If nothing else, I’ll have talked to Dean and have a better idea what he’s feeling.

Breaking In

Tue, 16 May 2006 17:46:40 GMT

It’s been such a long weekend. It was completely terrifying to wake up Sunday and discover the mayhem that occurred while I was sleeping. So many people were killed and yet I can’t help being grateful that those I love are still okay. I actually went home without being asked. I submitted myself to Mum’s prying eyes, and just tried to ignore the outside world with my parents. Of course, Mum managed to convince both Dad and me to take Monday off. I didn’t mind too much. I’ve been working so hard lately that I think taking time with the family is good for me. I know Mum could tell I was upset when I agreed to spend the night at their house. I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I’m normally so strong. To see so much pain, suffering, and fear around the country really hit me hard. I think going the one place I felt comfortable being weak was good for me, though, I wasn’t feeling quite as weak anymore when Mum suggested Parvati and I move back in.

“Good morning, my dear.”

Startled, I look up to see Melinda waiting for me in the hall. “I didn’t remember you saying you were coming in this morning,” I smile. “Don’t get me wrong, it is always a pleasant surprise to see you.”

“You know me,” she shrugs, “I have a hard time keeping a schedule. I arrived this morning and Doris told me I wasn’t on the schedule to come back until tomorrow, but I thought that since I was already here I’d wait for you,” she replies.

“Well, you don’t have to wait until you’re on my schedule to come see me,” I grin, placing my hand on the panel that grants entrance to the hall of offices. The door swings open and I usher Melinda inside. “I’ve been anxious to sit down and discuss what you think we should do about the Inferi potion,” I add quietly. I pull out my wand to unlock my office, but the unlocking charm I use didn’t elicit the same clicking sound it normally does. “That’s odd… I must not have locked my office when I left on Friday.”

“You were running late, my dear,” Melinda reminds me.

“True,” I sigh as I push open my office door. My jaw drops to the floor as the appearance of my office is displayed before me. It looks like a tornado came through.

“Oh my!” Melinda exclaims, but I find myself to be speechless. All I can do is stare at my typically organized desk on its side on the floor, my color coded files spread out like a rainbow underneath said desk, a picture of my family behind shattered glass.

“Just stay here, I’ll go get someone,” Melinda says before turning to leave my office.

The rest of the morning was a blur. Robert came in with someone from security and took notes of state of my office, Melinda asked if I wanted to owl anyone, and I was eventually left alone to sort through the mess that my intruder left behind. I don’t think I got anything done; I spent most of my time sitting amongst the mess wondering who would want to come after me. Not even me, but my office! It just doesn’t make any sense. Since I wasn’t accomplishing anything, I finally left around lunch time and went home. I didn’t bother to tell Anthony or Parvati what happened. With everything going on, I didn’t want to worry them. After all, so many people lost their lives over the weekend, how important is it that my office was broken into?

Overworked

Sat, 13 May 2006 05:21:06 GMT

Sighing, I rest my head in my hands and close my eyes. Everything I’ve been working all day seems to be running together in my memory. I came in to work early this morning to continue looking through deciphering charms. I’m going with Dean this evening to Ernie’s family home to try and break into the notebook again. Then, on my lunch hour I looked over Jessie’s family tree again. I took note of some of the prominent family members, and made notes to myself to look into what is known of Ollivander’s disappearance. All I know currently is that he was assumed dead years ago.

Pushing my hair behind my ears, I grab a quill and make a note to talk to Dean. I feel a bit unsettled after our conversation the other day (before I started picturing him as a model) and I think I need more resolution. I know Anthony is jealous; he’s told me as much. But I don’t want Dean to feel uncomfortable around me all the time. Maybe that means I should talk to Anthony. I’m not even sure what’s going on with my relationship with Anthony right now. It’s not the same as it was back in Hogwarts, and it’s not the same as my relationship with Diego. Although, my other relationships ended badly, so maybe different is a good thing.

Whoops! I glance down and realize not only did I make my note to talk to Dean on all of my Jessie notes, but I’ve been doodling his name for the last few minutes. I don’t know how with everything else on my mind I’ve managed to find a minute to think about Dean and Anthony. But Dean is much too good of a friend to lose him, and Anthony has been too good to me to hurt him.

“Padma, my dear, are you still working?” Melinda asks, popping her head into my office.

“Yes,” I sigh. “I seem to have a hard time leaving work these days.”

“Well, you won’t be any good to anyone if you don’t get any sleep,” she says with a wink. “Where’s that boyfriend of yours?”

“Probably sitting by his fireplace, waiting for me to floo him,” I laugh.

“Then why don’t you go do that, my dear?”

“Because my office is a mess and I’m not done working,” I point out, motioning to the papers covering my desk. “And, I’m already almost late for a meeting with some friends of mine.”

“Work will still be here in the morning,” Melinda says forcefully. “Go to your meeting so you can spend some time with the one you love.”

I feel an odd jolt in my chest when Melinda refers to Anthony as the one I love, but choose to ignore it and follow Melinda to the floo set up down the hall. I will touch base with Anthony then go to meet Dean and Ernie. More importantly, I’ll deal with all of my problems later.

Asking for Help

Sat, 06 May 2006 00:04:25 GMT

Anthony and I lay together on his couch after the wonderful dinner we had at Bewitched. I’ll have to ask Ginny to tell her mother how much I enjoyed the food. Even though the ball of guilt is still residing in my stomach, it feels good to simply relax with Anthony. He strokes a hand through my hair absently and I close my eyes.

“Anthony?” I ask quietly, not bothering to open my eyes.

“Hmm?”

“Is there something bothering you tonight?”

He sighs and shifts his weight. I’ve read tension in his body language all night, despite his best efforts to hide it. “I had a fight with Lisa this afternoon.”

I try my hardest not to tense and get upset. “What about?” I ask nonchalantly.

“That bloke she was seeing,” he says. “I tried to tell her he wasn’t any good for her, and she got defensive and started yelling at me.”

“Don’t you know better than to tell a witch who she should go out with?” I sigh. “Did she hex you?”

“She tried, but I was able to block it,” he replies. “Of course, it was all for nothing, she broke up with him last night.”

“So she agreed with you, she just didn’t want you to think you could tell her what to do,” I chuckle. “Anthony, you were just asking for trouble!”

“But I was right!” he argues. “How was I supposed to know she had figured it out already?”

“You were supposed to trust her judgment,” I reply. “When you really care about someone, you should trust their judgment.”

“I trust you,” he says quietly. “I do.”

I shift around on the couch so I can look him in the eyes. “I thought we were talking about Lisa?”

“I just wanted you to know,” he says before kissing my forehead.

“Did I tell you Melinda thinks we were right about the Inferi potion?” I ask. “She said she’d bet her reputation that was what it was.”

“I never doubted you were right,” he shrugs. “You’re brilliant.”

“True,” I laugh, “but Melinda is the expert. She took a copy of the tablet home with her,” where ever that is…, “and is going to examine the other piece. She’s going to come back by my office when she knows something. I have a few guesses of my own, but I want to see what she says.”

“Going to share your guesses?” Anthony asks, pinching my side.

“No!” I squeal, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. “I don’t want to say until I’m a little surer.”

“If you insist,” he sighs dramatically, releasing my waist. I jump of from the couch and walk to the kitchen for a glass of water. When I reemerge, Anthony has moved to a sitting position and is glancing over a scroll.

“Do you have a lot of work to do?” I ask, sitting down beside him. I glance over at the scroll he’s holding and immediately recognize the emblem of the Department of Mysteries.

“Just a little,” he shrugs.

I fidget for a moment while pondering how to broach the topic of Dean. “Anthony,” I say slowly, “would you be willing to help me with the research project I’ve been doing with Dean?”

He winces slightly and I can see his body tense again. “Is it important?”

“It definitely is to Dean, and it may be very important to the Ministry,” I answer truthfully. Until we know what is in the notebook, we won’t know exactly who does or does not find it useful.

“I’ll help you,” he sighs. It’s my turn to wince at his choice of words. I don’t know if he’ll ever be comfortable with my friendship with Dean, and it makes the ball of built in my stomach constrict. “When?”

“I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know as soon as I talk to Dean.”

I just hope the three of us can coexist in a room without anyone yelling.

Running Into an Old Friend

Tue, 02 May 2006 18:18:30 GMT

“Bye, Anthony!” I call as he disappears back into the potion shop where he currently works. We had a lovely lunch together at the Leaky Cauldron and he gave me some good news: he’s on the last two weeks of his potion apprenticeship before he’ll go back to work in the Department of Mysteries full time. I’m proud of everything he’s accomplished since leaving Hogwarts; it feels like he’s done much more than I have.

Things are still a little tense between us since our trip last weekend. We’re handling our fight by not talking about it anymore. Of course, when I got back and found out what happened at Phoenix House, everything else seemed a little less important. I feel terribly guilty that I was watching a play with Anthony while Parvati was fighting Death Eaters. In fact, I’ve been consumed by feelings of guilt ever since I got back from the art gallery with Dean.

I walk a bit further down the street and glance in Molly Weasley’s store. I know Ginny is proud of her mum, and I’m going to have to suggest to Anthony that we eat there next time we go out. There’s a very pregnant looking witch cautiously peering through the window. She looks a little suspicious; like she’s afraid she’ll get caught. The witch turns around and I realize that I know her.

“Penny!” I exclaim.

"Padma! It's been ages!" she smiles, turning around.

"It has! I hate that we didn't keep in touch once you left Hogwarts!" I say guiltily, trying to hug her around her enormous stomach.

"So what is new with you, Padma? Isn't it awful about Phoenix House?" she asks. "Such a tragedy!"

Again I can fill the ball of guilt in my stomach threatening to spill over. I wish I had been here to help, or that I had at least been here for Parvati to lean on. “It is," I sigh. "I just hope they can use the money they raised at the Gala a few months ago to rebuild things.” Penny frowns slightly and I go back to answering her first question. “"But I'm doing fine. I spent the last three years in working Egypt, so I'm adjusting to life back home."

"It sounds as if you have an interesting job, Padma. I seem to remember Percy talking about his trip with his family to Egypt when we were still in Hogwarts. His brother worked there, you know, for Gringotts. Of course, that was back when he still talked about his family," she sighes. "I'm hoping that I'll be able to reconcile them before the baby comes."

"So, you're still with Percy then?" I grin, vaguely remembering Ginny saying something about her family no longer speaker to her brother. I choose not to mention that I worked with Bill and Ginny in Egypt. "I always thought you two would end up together. You always sounded so much in love when you'd talk to us younger girls about blokes."

Penny smiles wistfully. "Yes, we're still together. We were married right after the fall of Voldemort. Oh, but please don't say anything to anyone, not yet. I have owled Mrs. Weasley in hopes that I might meet with her. They don't know anything about our marriage, or our baby," she says sadly. "I love him, Padma, but sometimes he can be very stubborn."

My mind immediately jumps to my troubles with Diego, and now Anthony. "I know a bit about stubborn blokes," I reply. "Well, I should say I know a bit about blokes I shouldn't trust and blokes who don't trust me."

Penny pats my arm gently like she used to when she was giving me advice as my Prefect. "They're not all that bad, trust me. There's someone out there for you, I'm sure of it." She smiles and changes the subject, "So, what kind of work do you do, Padma? I mean, that they sent you all the way to Egypt?"

"Actually, I was working for a famous researcher studying Anubis out there," I reply "Our site was attacked while I was home for Christmas, so now I'm doing research for St. Mungo's and the MacMillan Foundation."

"Wow, that sounds really interesting," she says earnestly. "I actually am a healer at St. Mungo's, although I was put on forced maternity leave. It has been a difficult pregnancy, unfortunately. I miss working but of course, being a healer, I know these things can happen. If you ever need any assistance with anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

Thinking back to all the time I spent cursed and my appointments with Kirby I can’t help but laugh. "I probably could have used more help a few months ago, but I'm doing fine now. When are you due?"

Penny chuckles lightly and says, "About two days ago. This little one is taking his or her time. I think that it's waiting until Percy reconciles with his family. Of course, if that's what it’s waiting for, I may be pregnant for a year."

"Oh goodness!" I exclaim. "I don't know much about pregnancy, but shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Actually, walking around is one of the best ways to get labor started. I have had scattered contractions, but nothing exciting. I think our child is going to be as stubborn as Percy is," she jokes.

"Hopefully he'll at least get your wonderful, Ravenclaw intelligence," I grin.

"I have no doubt that our child will be smart. Percy is no slouch in the area of intelligence himself," she replies smiling, and I can’t help but see how in love she is with her husband. "I just realized that I haven't had lunch yet, and I should go eat for the baby's sake. Would you like to join me?

"Normally I would love to, but I just finished eating with my boyfriend... Do you remember Anthony Goldstein?"

"Of course I remember Anthony. How is he doing these days?"

"Wonderful. He's works in the Department of Mysteries. It was so odd how I completely lost touch with everyone while I was in Egypt, and yet I've found them again now that I'm home."

"I know about losing touch with people," she replies sadly. "But we're going to have to fix that, now aren't we?" Her face lights up as she continues, "We'll have to have you and Anthony over sometime after the baby's born. How does that sound?"

"That'd be lovely.” I pause and feel slightly embarrassed by how much I used to admire the witch standing before me. "You know, when we were at Hogwarts you were always my role model,” I admit. “I always thought you knew exactly what you wanted from life. You had a brilliant boyfriend, wonderful grades, you knew what you wanted to be... Listen to me; I sound a bit silly, don't I?"

"Not at all, Padma. I am very flattered. Honestly, though, things are not all what they seem. Yes, things went okay for me at Hogwarts, but...well, let's just say that it's been very lonely for me since I left Hogwarts. I have my work, my parents, and Percy. That is my whole life. It might sound crazy, but it's true. Well, hopefully when Percy is reconciled with his family things will change."

"Well, I wish you the best of luck with the reconciliation," I say earnestly. I know it would make Ginny happy to have one of her brothers back, and I know how hard it is to be separated from the ones you love. "I've got to get back to work, but please send me an owl after you've had the baby! I'd love to spend a bit more time catching up!"

"I will do so, I promise," she replies, reaching out to hug me. "We'll have to get together soon."

"Goodbye, Penny," I say as I start to walk away, "and good luck with everything!"

"You too," she calls, heading in the opposite direction.

I glance down at my watch and realize I’m already late for my meeting with Melinda. She has clearance to get to my office, so she won’t e stranded waiting for me, but I hate to make her wait. After weeks of her putting me off, we’re finally going to sit down and look at the tablet together. I think it is important for her to face whatever demons she may have encountered in Egypt during her abduction, and I’m dying to know if she thinks I’m right in determining that the tablet contains Anubis’ Inferi potion. I didn’t tell Hermione, Ginny, and Luna about it the other day. I want to be sure before I tell anyone else, and think that after today I might finally be sure!

A Lunch Date

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 15:14:01 GMT

Choosing a table at the back of The Leaky Cauldron, I take a seat and wait for Ernie to arrive for our lunch date. I had intended to meet with him sooner, but I got so caught up in my work that the time crept up on me. Again, I’m thankful to have Melinda so willing to help me. The only strange thing has been her disinterest in Anubis’s tablet. I’m afraid that she remembers more about the ordeal she went through and isn’t letting on. I don’t know what terrible things she encountered, and I can’t bring myself to ask. At least, that’s what I want to believe. I’m even more afraid that this Melinda is somehow an imposter, though I can’t imagine how.

“Padma,” Ernie says warmly as he takes the seat across from me. “I do hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long.”

“Not at all,” I smile. “I’m just glad an Auror like you has the time to meet with me.”

“I can always make time for lunch with a beautiful witch,” he replies.

I blush and tell him that such compliments are not necessary. Our waitress chooses this moment to approach our table and take our orders. When she leaves, I decide to get down to business.

“Ernie,” I begin.

To my surprise, Ernie takes my left hand and with his right, gesturing to stop with his left, then deftly and surreptitiously pulls out his wand from the sleeve of his cloak and casts a Silencing Charm.

“One could never be too careful,” he smiles then adds, “and you are indeed a most exotically beautiful witch. I sincerely mean that.”

“Thank you,” I say then continue. “As I was just about to ask, has anyone ever given you a reason for your alcohol allergy?” He shakes his head no and I continue, “I believe that your allergy has a direct correlation with the curse that killed your mother.” Ernie winces slightly and I regret not choosing my words more carefully. “You see, to the best of my knowledge, the curse was designed to be a form of torture; something that would slowly eat away at the victim’s life from the inside of their body. Your mother’s womb protected you, but as her life waned you slowly lost her protection. My hypothesis is that if you had been born any later, the curse would have started to kill you as well.” I stop and take a deep breath, allowing Ernie time to absorb everything I’ve told him.

“Did,” Ernie starts hesitantly, “I mean, if my mother was not pregnant at the time, would she have lived longer?”

I shake my head and reach across the table to take Ernie’s hand. “I think being pregnant extended her life. I think your presence delayed the curse from killing her sooner. Nature found a way to protect you from the curse and to keep your mother alive long enough for you to be born.”

A small smile crosses Ernie’s face and I release his hand. “You must understand, I love my stepmother with all my heart. She is my mother in every way but blood, yet I do not think I could bear the thought that I had any part in my biological mother’s death.”

“I understand,” I assure him. “I promise I didn’t bring you here just to burden you with details of your mother’s death. I have to ask if you’ve had any other medical conditions that I’m not aware of. Right now I’m guessing that the curse first attacked your liver, but was stopped before it could do any more damage.”

“As far as I know, I have a clean bill of health. Certainly, when I applied to train as an Auror, I had to go through a medical and was pronounced fit and healthy then. The same was true when I applied for this job after successfully completing my Auror training.”

“Well, then that is good news,” I enthuse.

“Yes, it is,” Ernie agrees then asks, “But, do you think that there is a chance for a cure to this condition that Healer Davenport, a family friend, has termed alcohol poisoning?”

“I’m actually working on that right now,” I reply. “I’ve gotten some of Neville’s research on plants that can help, and I’m working with Anthony to see if we can figure out a more potent form for it to be taken.”

Big Ben strikes the hour!

“Oh, that blasted clock! Forgive my French, but this is such a lovely lunch that I wish we have more time. I wonder…. would you care to have Sunday lunch with my family sometime?”

“I’d have to look over my calendar, but I’m sure I could find an open Sunday,” I smile.

“Thank you very much indeed for everything, Padma,” Ernie says sincerely. “You have no idea how much you have done for my family today. I wish you well.”

I watch Ernie exit the restaurant and prepare to go search through Robert’s personal research library. Though he isn’t Melinda, he is a good boss. He’s going to let me borrow books to help Dean with his mysterious notebook. Robert did warn me to use caution, since some of the books are considered to deal with the Dark Arts. It scares me a bit, but it also excites me. There’s nothing I love more than digging into unfamiliar territory with my research. I can’t wait to get together with Dean and get my hands dirty.

Lunch With Ginny

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 19:01:19 GMT

I stand outside Ginny and Harry’s flat with my arms full of Chinese take away. I stopped by when I left my office since I knew Ginny doesn’t really cook. I just hope she’s eating more now.

“Hi,” Ginny says brightly as the door opens. She looks much better than she did the last time I saw her; she’s put weight back on and she doesn’t look quite as pale. “Let me take one of those.” She takes one of the bags out of my arms and leads me into the flat. We put the bags down on the kitchen table before sitting down and sorting through the food.

“I can’t believe it’s been so long since we’ve gotten together,” I admit and I shove a bite of food into my mouth.

“Sorry if I’ve been distant lately,” Ginny replies, looking downcast.

“No, that’s not what I meant at all,” I interrupt. “I’ve been incredibly busy since I started my new job. I barely see Parvati anymore.”

“She and Neville looked like they were enjoying each other’s company at the gala,” Ginny winks.

I roll my eyes and lean back in my chair. “Yes, Parvati is very happy with Neville. She spends practically all of her time with him.”

Ginny regards me shrewdly asking, “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “At first I thought Parvati could do better than Neville, but if he makes her happy that’s what is important. I just wish she would have time for me every now and then. Though, I suppose I’ve been busy as well…”

“Maybe you two should just take some sister time,” Ginny suggests. “Plan something fun. Also, you really need to give Neville a chance. He’s an amazing guy. Why do you think she can do better?”

“Easier said than done when we barely see each other,” I snort. “Neville, well, I don’t know. Other than assaulting me with a bag of coins, he’s never done anything wrong. I just don’t want Parvati to have no life outside of that little shop. I’m trying to accept Neville as part of her life. But let’s change the topic. You look much better than the last time I saw you.”

She looks down at herself, “I suppose. The extra weight has helped.” She takes a bite of food and swallows before going on. “Oh, I started therapy and I’m going to Phoenix House once a week to play with the kids.”

“What about work?”

“I quit,” she says quietly. “I couldn’t handle being there anymore.”

“Understandable,” I say, giving her a sympathetic smile. I can tell even thinking about it bothers her, so I try to change the subject. “Speaking of work, guess who turned up at my office right before the gala?”

“Who?”

“Melinda Roberts,” I grin.

Her mouth falls open, “You’re kidding!”

“Nope,” I laugh. “They found her in the desert with no memory of what happened. She was checked out and then sent home!” As the words leave my mouth my excitement slowly fades. It sounds a bit ridiculous; a woman was missing for months and then just shows up in the middle of the desert with no memory and no desire to figure out what happened to her? It doesn’t add up. As much as I want it to, it doesn’t add up.

"That is really odd," she comments slowly. "Are you sure it's her? I mean, not someone using polyjuice or something?

“I’ve been with her for more than an hour at a time and the only thing she’s had to drink is the water I’ve given her,” I shrug. “I know something sounds off, but I don’t think it’s polyjuice.”

“Just promise me you’ll be careful and keep looking into it,” Ginny says earnestly.

“I will,” I promise. And I mean it. I have to start asking questions and finding answers. The old Melinda would have wanted me to.

“Good.”

I take another bite of my lunch and try to decide how to approach the next thing I want to tell Ginny. My cheeks flush as I think about how romantic dinner was on Friday.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks curiously.

“Anthony,” I smile.

She looks mildly interested but simply says, “Do tell.”

“We went out to dinner on Friday. We’ve kind of been together since the gala,” I admit, feeling shy all of the sudden. I contemplate telling Ginny about the lack of fireworks, but I decide to give it more time. “We had a lovely evening, after a slightly disastrous one the week before. But it feels good to be with someone so familiar again… someone so safe, who knows me so well.”

“Sounds… erm, lovely.”

“Well, I know we still have some issues to work through, but I have a good feeling about it,” I reply quickly. “It takes time for a relationship to really click. And Anthony and I used to click so well.”

“And he’s safe,” she says, repeating me. She gives me a sardonic smile, “always a good thing.”

“And he’s not engaged,” I add, forcing a smile. I want so desperately to be able to joke about Diego, but it still hurts. It may always hurt.

“Oh Padma,” her voice is soothing as she reaches over to squeeze my hand. “As you told me, we both deserve better than what life dealt us.”

“I’m sorry… I seem to be monopolizing the conversation with talk about my life. I hope you know I’m here for you if you ever need to talk,” I reply, trying to overcome my feelings of guilt. Ginny’s been through so much and now I’m leaning on her. She deserves a better friend than me. “How are things with Harry?”

“Things are getting better. We’re back to kissing, which is nice, although still not all the time like we were before…” her cheeks turn a little pink as she takes a sip from her water. “He’s come to get me at Phoenix House and he’s so good with the kids! It’s been a lot of fun playing with them, one little girl in particular.”

“Oh really?”

“Her name is Tina… well Christina. She’s really shy and she actually had me playing with dolls.” At my confused look, she explains. “Just imagine my brothers and any doll I had being blow up.” I nod sympathetically. “But my time there has been very healing.”

“I’m glad.” As Ginny talks about the time she spends at Phoenix House her entire face lights up. It really seems to make her happy. “You know, I’d really like to see what the Phoenix House is all about,” I comment as I push my plate away. “It seems like everyone I know is spending time there, but I’ve just never been very good around kids.”

“The children are wonderful,” Ginny replies, “they love to have visitors and I didn’t know anything about children before I started going there with Harry.” She gives me a nervous smile, “Speaking of Harry… I was wondering if you would like to be one of my bridesmaids.”

Dropping my fork I stare at Ginny, contemplating whether or not she’s actually serious. She’s smiling at me, but not in a joking way. “Are you sure? I’ve not brought the best luck to relationships lately… You sure you want that kind of luck in your wedding?”

Ginny studies me intently, “I am very sure. You’ve been here for me over the past five months and I want you to be part of the wedding.” She gives me a mischievous grin, “Besides that, I could use more girls around to balance out all the blokes and you know how to hold your own. I’m going against convention and having all my brothers stand up with Harry.”

“In that case, I’d be honored,” I smile. Glancing down at my watch, I gasp as I notice the time. “Merlin, I can’t believe it’s this late already. I’ve got to get back to work or I’ll be there all night!”

“We need to get together again soon,” Ginny replies as she walks me to the door. “I don’t want to let so much time pass next time.”

“Definitely. Bye, Ginny!”

“Bye, Padma!”

Silence

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 04:00:07 GMT

Silence. There hasn’t been anything but silence since Anthony and I left Dean’s party. I don’t know how to fix my mistakes. I don’t want to start out with Anthony on the wrong note. I was just having a good time. Dean is my friend and it is his birthday. Anthony never asked me to dance. Anthony didn’t even attempt to have fun.

“Are you cold?” he asks quietly.

“No.”

“Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine.”

I’m not trying to be short with Anthony. I’m really not. I’m still feeling a bit lightheaded from all the drinking and I just want to curl up into bed and pretend Anthony isn’t mad at me.

“Don’t be angry with me,” I finally sigh.

“I’m not,” he replies quickly. “I suppose I just didn’t expect you to drink so much tonight. I thought we’d go out for a romantic dinner, and we end up at a birthday party instead.”

“I’m sorry,” I say as I slip my arm around his waist. “I know I ruined our plans. But I didn’t need a romantic evening tonight… I just needed you to loosen up a bit and have some fun.”

Anthony puts his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close. He leans down and kisses the top of my head. “I didn’t want to share you tonight. I’ve waited for so long to have you back and I couldn’t stand having to share you.” He stops in the street and looks into my eyes. The street is spinning slightly and I hold on to him to keep my balance.

“You’re not sharing me now,” I point out.

“No,” Anthony grins, “I’m not.” He leans down and kisses me gently. I can’t help but think back to the first time we kissed. It was mostly an accident; we just both happened to turn our heads at the same time. There weren’t any fireworks with the first awkward kiss. The fireworks came later. I hope the fireworks will come later again. They have to. I’m trying so desperately to do the right thing.

“That was nice,” Anthony whispers as he pulls away. I nod in response, my eyes still closed, and move my hands to his chest. “I’ve missed you.”

I nod again, but this time I open my eyes and pull away. “I should get to bed… I still have to go to work in the morning.”

“You shouldn’t have had so much to drink.”

“I’ll be fine, Dad,” I tease as I head to the entrance to my building. “Good night!”

“Night, Padma.”

Trying to Move On

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 03:57:26 GMT

When I woke up this morning, it felt like I had a giant weight sitting on my chest. Anthony and I left things very open last night. He walked me to my door, kissed my cheek and said good night. We made plans to meet for lunch today to continue our work on the tablet, but that’s it. No confessions of love, no requests for going out, no passionate embraces. It was just very comfortable knowing Anthony was there for me when I needed him.

Lunch was fine. There weren’t any fireworks, but I didn’t leave sobbing either. I know that Anthony is good for me, so when he asked me out to dinner tomorrow night I agreed. I’m trying to make the smart, well-informed decision this time. I know Anthony; I trust Anthony. Parvati likes Anthony. I think I’m finally doing the right thing.

I haven’t heard from Melinda all weekend, but I do expect her to stop by my office tomorrow. Last time she came by I had to kick her out when I was ready to go home. I think she would have worked all night if I had let her. I need to ask where she’s staying next time I see her.

I wonder if Diego knows she’s alive… I wonder if he cares…

I shake my head as if to clear Diego from my mind. I don’t understand why I can’t just put him behind me. I need to focus on rekindling what I used to feel for Anthony. They say you never forget your first love, so it shouldn’t be too hard. Anthony used to be so much more than that to me. He was my best friend after Mandy died. I always knew I could count of him for anything. Even with the pain he caused me when he was with Lisa, he would have been there for me if I had asked.

I think I’m finally ready to ask him to be there for me again. I’m trying to fix my life. I’m trying to do the smart thing. If choosing to be with Anthony was the last good decision I made, I’ll go back to that and build from there.

Reflecting

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 18:59:05 GMT

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. My mind can’t wrap itself around the fact that Melinda is alive and well. It feels like so long since something good has happened to me, for once in my life I don’t want to question the unknown. I don’t want to dig into this mystery… I’m terrified digging will result in Melinda leaving again.

Maybe I’m being stupid. After all, not enquiring more means going against everything Melinda ever taught me. But if Melinda is content to just leave the mystery to the Egyptian authorities, I’m okay with that. Besides, I got so much more work done yesterday with her there. She even found another avenue I can explore with the curse that killed Ernie’s biological mother. It’ll take some more work, but I have a good feeling about it.

Melinda is coming to my office after lunch today. She’s visiting some of her friends in the morning, but we had such a good time working together again last night she insisted on coming back. I plan on talking to Robert about her presence this morning before she arrives, but I’m sure it won’t be a problem. I haven’t shown her Aunbis’ tablet yet. She didn’t seem terribly interested, and I can’t blame her. Her entire life was wrapped up in Anubis and she almost died because of it. I know we’ll look at it together in good time. Anthony and I have been making progress on our own anyway.

I tried to wait up for Parvati last night to tell her my good news, but I suppose she was out with Neville and didn’t get back until late. I’m determined to wait up tonight to let her know what’s going on. Even when we’re not speaking, I can’t not tell her something this big that happened in my life.

Right now I’m just trying to focus on work and not Melinda. As much as I wish it could, my life can’t stop because Melinda is back. Besides, I have to put the last minute touches on my preparations for the gala tomorrow.

Surprise!

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 02:50:44 GMT

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get settled in at work. I wish I could just freeze time around me so I could catch up and not have to spend so much of my free time in my office at St. Mungo’s. I sigh and drop my head on my desk.

A few moments later I manage to pull my head back up, only to realize I’ve smudged my last writings with my head. Which probably means I’ve managed to smear ink on my forehead.

“Ugh.”

I rummage through my desk to find a tissue and start rubbing my forehead. I’m startled when there’s a knock on my door.

“What now,” I mutter before calling, “Come in!” I hear the door open as I examine the tissue to see if any ink has come off.

“Is there any ink…” my voice trails of as I see the figure standing in my doorway. My hands start shaking and it’s growing hard to breathe. The last thing I see is a blurry halo of red hair before my world goes black.

“Are you all right, my dear?”

I slowly crack my eyes open before squeezing them shut again. “Is this a dream?” I ask shakily.

“No, my dear,” she chuckles.

I open my eyes and quickly throw my arms around Melinda. I can’t even think about what this means. My brain is barely functioning quickly enough to process anything. I didn’t even realize I was crying until Melinda offers me a tissue to wipe my eyes.

“How?” I whisper, still unable to form complete sentences.

She shrugs and shakes her head. “I wish I knew. The last thing I remember before waking up in the desert is the camp at Saqqara being attacked.”

“When?”

“About a week ago. I was questioned by the Egyptian authorities before being released. I went home to see my sister before coming here. I would have sent word sooner, but you know me… I kept forgetting,” she smiles

I laugh and wrap my arms around her neck. “All that matters is that you’re here,” I assure her. “I can’t believe this.”

Melinda stands up from the floor and offers me a hand. I stand up and brush the dirt off my robes. My excitement fades as a thought crosses my mind.

“What about the others?” I ask quietly. “Has anyone else turned up?”

“No, my dear,” she admits, “I wish they had.”

“How long are you here?”

“I don’t know,” Melinda replies. “I’m not permitted to return to Egypt for the time being. To be honest, I’ve grown bored with not working already. You would think I’d want to spend all of my time with my family after coming back from the dead, so to speak.”

“Let me take you out for dinner,” I insist.

“I ate before I came, my dear,” she replies quickly. “Besides, it barely looks like you can afford to take time away from your work,” she adds, motions to the stacks of files sitting on my desk.

I laugh and shake my head. “I can’t imagine getting anymore work done tonight. My brain is barely functioning after seeing you.”

Melinda looks solemn for the first time since she showed up at my office. “Actually, I would love to try and help you work. I’m longing for a sense of normalcy right now, and working is the only thing that I can think of to bring it to me. It’s one of the reasons I sought you out at work.”

I don’t think I would feel the same way in Melinda’s shoes, but I can understand where she’s coming from. Plus, I could use the help to get ahead. I hand her the folder with the information on Mrs. Macmillan and a quill. “Knock yourself out,” I shrug.

She smiles at me, “Thank you.”

I take a seat at my desk, but I can’t manage to do anything but stare at Melinda. What are the odds that three people I know would come back from the dead? Well, I suppose Melinda was never really dead, but everyone thought she was. Everything else in my life seems so insignificant in this moment; Roger, Anthony, Parvati, Neville… None of it matters. We’re all alive. Melinda is alive. I know that I have a silly grin on my face.

“Is something wrong, my dear?” Melinda asks, pushing her glasses up on her nose.

“No,” I chuckle. “How could anything be wrong when you’re alive?” I pause and lower my voice conspiratorially, “But I do have something from Egypt I’m sure will interest you.”

A New Beginning

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:12:01 GMT

I have a desk again. It feels… odd… I feel like I should be back in the pit, working alongside all of my colleagues. My new desk is in a small office down the hall from the Director General’s. Robert, as he asked me to call him, is a very nice man, and he looks to be a good boss. I doubt he’ll compare to Melinda, but I don’t think anyone can. I’ve spent my morning going poring over a file describing the death of Ernie’s mother. My main project is the curse that killed her. I must say I’m terribly curious, and I want to take a good deal of time to accustom myself to the facts known about what happened to her before I jump into my research. Melinda always told me the best researchers are the ones who know everything that is already available to them.

One thing I’ve always loved about researchers is that we’re a very independent group. It permits us a certain amount of flexibility, so we can work through the night when we’re on a roll or we can call it an early day when we’re not getting anywhere. If this were any normal job, I probably would have had to cancel my lunch date with Anthony, not that it’s a real date. I probably would have lost my nerve to ask for his help if I had to delay anything.

Right now I’m sitting at a small table in the back of the Leaky Cauldron waiting for him to arrive. With every second that passes, my resolve to stay seated weakens. I have to remind myself that I’m doing this for Melinda. I’m doing this so I can know everything about the tomb that I believe lead to her death. Only with all of the facts can I truly begin to research what happened to her. That’s the decision I’ve reached after a great deal of soul searching. I need to know what happened and why. No, I have to know, and I can’t trust anyone else to figure it out.

“Padma.”

I look up and see Anthony gazing down at me. He’s always had a look that makes me feel safe and protected. He was my closest confidant for so long… I could use someone like that in my life again.

“Hello, Anthony. Please, sit down,” I say softly.

“I have to say I’m curious as to why you asked me here,” he says as he takes the seat across from me. “But I’m more curious as to how you’re doing.”

“I’m doing well,” I reply. “I started my new job today. I’m doing research at St. Mungo’s.”

“That’s wonderful.” I can tell he’s genuinely happy for me. Even after all of the time that has passed, I can read him like a book. He was always a terrible liar, and he always wore his heart on his sleeve. “I suppose you didn’t ask me here for a job, then,” he adds, chuckling.

“No,” I smile, “I needed to find a job on my own. It was something I had to do.”

“I understand.” There’s a pause in our conversation. I don’t want to jump right into business, but I’m not sure what I’m allowed to ask. He takes the burden away from me. “How’s your sister?” he asks. He knows me well enough to know not to ask about my parents, but unfortunately he doesn’t know about my recent issues with Parvati.”

“She’s fine, I think,” I reply. “We haven’t spoken much recently.”

“Do you not see her often?”

I flinch. “We live together, actually.”

“So you’re fighting again,” he concludes. Parvati and I have always been the type to have big fights and quickly forget about them. Of course, its easy to forget about them when you’re in different houses at Hogwarts, or in different countries. We just don’t think about things the same way, and that sometimes leads to us bumping heads.

“Not exactly,” I pause and wonder how to explain, “I just have no idea where her head is. She finally got a job, though not a very glorious or academically rewarding one—”

“She never wanted the same things out of a job that you did,” Anthony interrupts.

“I know,” I reply quickly. “But I thought she liked my healer; she went out with him a few times and seemed to really hit it off with him—”

“You needed a healer?”

“I’m fine now,” I shrug. “But then the other day I go to meet her at work for dinner with the healer and Dean Thomas, and she’s kissing Neville Longbottom!”

“Well, what did she say about it?” he asks patiently. He always was good and helping me sort through my thoughts. I like to think I used to do the same thing for him. We were just a very compatible couple. We rarely fought over anything serious. Some days it’s hard to remember why we broke up. Or, why I dumped him. “Well,” he prods.

“Nothing,” I sigh. “She hasn’t said anything to me about it. I know Neville’s had a thing for her, but she never mentioned liking him. I thought she liked Kirby.”

“Kirby’s the healer?”

“Who else were we talking about?” I groan, fully knowing how ridiculous I sound.

“Maybe you should just talk to Parvati,” Anthony suggests patiently.

“Shouldn’t she be the one to talk to me?”

“Padma.”

“I know, I sound ridiculous,” I sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m burdening you with my problems when I called you here to ask a favor.”

“You’re not burdening me,” he says softly. The look is back again. The look that says, ‘I could listen to you talk forever.’ I look away and realize we never ordered any food. I’m not really hungry though, I think I can wait until dinner to eat.

“Well, you might change your mind when you hear what I need,” I begin. “I’m working on an unauthorized project from my job in Egypt, and I could use your help. I don’t want to get into the details here, but there is a potion involved and I just don’t think I have the knowledge I need to make anymore progress.”

“Of course I’ll help,” he says. He looks around and lowers his voice, “Is this illegal?”

“No, its just not exactly sanctioned either,” I reply cautiously. “I need someone I can trust… this is something that’s very important to me.”

Anthony’s face softens and it reminds me of the nights he comforted me when I was upset over Mandy. “This is about your friends, isn’t it?”

“Partially,” I smile, “You know me; I can’t leave any mystery unsolved.” I glance at my watched and groan. “I hate to run without ever having eaten, but today is my first day on the job and I don’t want them to think I’m irresponsible!”

“Its fine,” he assures me, “Go back to work.”

“Can you meet me this weekend?” I ask.

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Thank you, Anthony, for everything.” I stand up and walk away from the table, ready to bury myself in work. The ironic thing about my new work situation is that it is exactly the type of job I thought I wanted a few months ago. It pays much better than my job with Melinda, and it allows me the stability I wanted so I could get married and start a family. The biggest difference is that I no longer wanted the job, I needed it. Of course, before the only reason I wanted the job was because of Diego, but I’ll ignore that for now. I need focus and purpose in my life, and I think that my new job and focusing on the tablet is just the thing to help me.

I don’t need to distract myself with what Anthony and I used to have, just like I don’t need to distract myself wondering how I’ll react if Roger ever does owl me.

The Interview

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 20:04:30 GMT

I have never been more intimidated in my life. The four men sitting before me all look very professional, and a bit stiff. I can only hope that if they do select me for this job, they won’t be so stiff on a typical work day. I’m used to Melinda… I take a deep breath and push all of the thoughts about Melinda to the back of my mind, where I already stored all of my thoughts about Parvati, Neville, Diego, Ginny… I force a smile and clasp my hands together on my lap. I know this meeting was last minute with the late notice with which I received their owl, so I can only hope that its not because I’m not being seriously considered for the position.

“Ms. Patil,” the man introduced to me as Robert Kavanagh begins, “thank you for joining us today. We have a few questions for you.”

“Thank you for having me,” I reply, my voice shaking slightly.

“Your resume is very impressive,” Mr. Kavanagh continues, “but could you please tell us something about yourself, in your own words.”

“Well, I’ve only been back in England since December. I left for Egypt immediately after I finished Hogwarts about three years ago,” I say.

“You were at school with my son,” Archibald Macmillan breaks in.

“Yes, I was. I was in Ravenclaw, but we were both prefects,” I reply, smiling. “I loved my life in Egypt, and I’ve always had a passion for research. I love the mystery and excitement involved. That’s actually what attracted me to this position. I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied with anything else since I had such a good experience in Egypt.”

“Why should we employ you?” Mr. Kavanagh asks.

“Well,” I say nervously, “I’m a very hard worker. I push myself with my research projects until I can’t push myself anymore. I can’t leave any mystery unsolved. I’m reliable. I just love what I do, and I would love an opportunity to continue on my chosen career path.” Mr. Kavanagh nods and I glance over at the quills that are writing down my every word.

“What do you know about the Macmillan Foundation?” Mr. Macmillan asks.

“To be honest, not much,” I admit. “I know you do a great deal for the local charities. My parents have always spoken very highly of your organization.”

“What has been your best and worst work experience,” Mr. Kavanagh asks.

“Well, everything about working with Melinda was wonderful,” I say softly, fighting to keep my composure. I look down at my hands and try not to lose my cool. “She was bright, and kind, and terribly disorganized, but working with her was like being part of a family. That was very important to me, being a young witch far away from home.”

“We’re sorry to hear about what happened to her team,” Mr. Macmillan interrupts.

“Thank you,” I continue. “The worst experience would probably be when I was cursed in Anubis’ tomb in Saqqara. I was sick and no one could figure out why, and it kept me from working, as well as making me short and testy with the people I love. Fortunately, we finally figured it out and I’m much better now.”

“Thank you for your time, Ms. Patil,” Mr. Macmillan says. “We’ll be in touch.”

I nod and say my thanks to the men who interviewed me. I shake all of their hands and make my way quickly out of the room before I start crying.

I manage to Apparate to my flat before I break down. I lock myself in my room and collapse on my bed. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over the disappearance of my colleagues in Egypt. If Mum hadn’t insisted that I come home, I could be among the missing.

Among the presumed dead, I correct myself. It’s almost enough to make me wish I had never gone to Egypt. I almost wish I had taken the safe job that Mum’s friend at the Ministry offered me all those years ago. Then I never would have met Diego, Melinda, or any of the others. I probably would have married a nice Indian bloke that Mum introduced me to. I wouldn’t be living in Knockturn Alley. I wouldn’t be frustrated with Parvati for reasons I don’t even understand.

I crawl under the covers of my bed and close my eyes. I have a lot of things to think about; my upcoming lunch with Anthony, for starters. All I know for sure is that I don’t want to talk to Parvati until I get my thoughts straight.

Spending the Day with Ginny

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 21:50:21 GMT

I have to admit, I’m a bit worried about how I’m going to handle Ginny after everything Harry tells me to expect. I almost wish I hadn’t gone out last night, and I definitely wish I had a little less to drink. Although, it could be worse; I could feel like Parvati does right now. Though, looking at Ginny, I’m glad everyone who went out with us last night made it home safely.

Don’t handle Ginny, be her friend. I take a deep breath and try to gather my wits.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks, looking at me questioningly.

“I’m just a bit tired,” I sigh. “I went out with some friends last night.”

Harry glares at me and I immediately realize that was the wrong thing to say. “If you’re not feeling up to this…”

“No!” I quickly interrupt. “Yesterday was mine and Parvati’s birthday…”

“Oh,” he replies, his face softening. “I’m sure under other circumstances Ginny would have wanted to be there.”

“We missed her,” I admit. “It wasn’t the same without her.”

A door opens and Ginny steps into the room. “I’m about to head to work, luv,” Harry says. “Padma’s here to work on the tablet with you.”

“Hello, Ginny.” My first instinct is to ask her how she’s doing, but when I was going through everything that last thing I wanted to do was tell people how I felt. She nods in my direction and walks over to large crimson colored chair and sits down.

“Please floo if you need anything,” Harry tells me before going to say goodbye to Ginny. I turn my back and step away, trying to let them have a private goodbye. The last thing Ginny probably wants right now is an audience.

“Bye, Padma,” Harry calls as he steps into the guest bedroom to Apparate.

I gather all of my notes from the kitchen table and walk towards Ginny. “I have to tell you, I’m glad to have someone new look at the tablet, I haven’t made much progress.”

“I’m sure I won’t be much help,” Ginny says softly. “Hermione seems to have a lot figured out.”

It’s too bad Hermione is practically ignoring me and not sharing all of her progress with me, I think bitterly.

“Well, a fresh pair of eyes never hurt anything,” I say brightly. I hand her a copy of the tablet and my notes to look over, but while she takes them I don’t think she ever really looks at them. I look over my own notes but I can’t make any more progress than I have the last few weeks. After a bit I glance over at Ginny, but by this point she’s abandoned the pretense of looking at my notes and is stroking the kitten that is now on her lap.

“I’m getting hungry, what about you?” I finally say.

“No, thanks,” Ginny replies.

I stand up from my seat and walk into the kitchen. I choose to ignore Ginny’s response and fix her some toast and juice, per Harry’s instructions. I walk back out a few minutes later, carrying a sandwich for myself along with her food. She picks at her toast, but does take a few bites. Judging by her slight frame, I think that’s probably progress.

“You know, I haven’t worked with potions since I left Hogwarts,” I tell Ginny. “We did discover a few that Anubis created, but I never really worked to figure out what they did. That was always someone else’s job.”

“Oh.”

I continue talking, hoping to get more of a response out of Ginny. “Maybe I should bring someone in that knows more about potions. Of course, it would have to be someone I trust.”

“Yes.”

“Anthony is working for a Potions Master,” I comment. “He offered to help me find a job, I’m sure he’d be willing to help me. Even after everything that happened between us, I still trust him.”

“Good.”

“Then it’s settled,” I declare. “I’ll ask Anthony to help us.”

Merlin, what did I just decide to do?

I desperately want to take the conversation away from Anthony, even though I was the only one talking about him. Now that he’s in my mind, I can’t seem to get him out. I need something, anything, to take my mind off of him.

“Diego got married!” I blurt out.

For the first time today, Ginny looks at me with emotion in her face. She seems genuinely surprised. “What?”

“He got married,” I sigh. “Apparently his parents arranged his marriage years ago.”

“I knew he was a bastard,” she mutters.

I can’t help but laugh. Not at the situation, but because Diego is the only thing all day that managed to elicit a real response from Ginny. It gives me hope that the real Ginny is just asleep inside her somewhere, and will one day wake up.

“Yes,” I reply. “Diego is a bastard.” It feels almost cleansing to say it. I’m finally starting to believe it. He didn’t deserve me. I deserve better. After everything Diego put me through, I still deserve to have someone in my life that I love. The question is whether or not Roger is going to be the bloke for me.

“Thank you,” I tell Ginny.

“For what?”

“For being the first person to really get me to believe Diego is a bastard. Being the first person to actually get me to say it,” I admit. Ginny doesn’t say anything, so I move to position myself on the floor in front of her. I want her to look at me when I say this.

“Ginny,” I begin, “when Diego broke up with me, I felt like tainted goods.” She looks away and I place my hand gently on her knee. She twitches slightly, but looks back in my direction. “I felt like no bloke would ever want me again. I had given myself to Diego, and there was no turning back. I felt like trash. Diego made me feel like trash.”

“You aren’t trash,” she retorts instantly.

“I know,” I continue, “that if he could make me feel that way when I gave myself to him willingly, that what you feel must be ten times that. But the thing is, I was wrong. I thought I was destined to spend my life alone. I thought no one would look at me the same way; no one would love me anymore. My family still loves me, and what I did was my choice. You didn’t ask for what happened to you. I know your family loves you. Harry still loves you. I may not have been your friend for very long, but I know I would do anything you needed. You were there for me when I felt like the scum of the earth. I’m here to help when you’re ready.”

“It’s all my fault…” Ginny tells me and keeps going before I can interrupt. “Not only that but I’ve hurt everyone over this!”

I wrap my arms around her in a hug as she continues to cry and say she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. She eventually calms down a bit and I release my grasp on her.

“I’m going to take a nap,” Ginny says. I nod at her and watch her disappear into the bedroom. She doesn’t emerge again before Harry comes home, and I spend the rest of my time there reading on the couch. I only hope that something I said got through to Ginny.

Lonely Valentine

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 02:11:35 GMT

For the last few years, I never felt sympathy for witches that were single on Valentine’s Day. Even when I was single, I had school and work to occupy my thoughts and my time. Now, however, it’s a different story. Diego’s married to another witch, I don’t have a job, Parvati works a lot, Mum’s angry with me… there just isn’t much going on in my life.

I should be throwing myself into working on Anubis’ tablet or working on applying for the job with the Macmillan Foundation, but I haven’t felt anything but lonely since I found out about Diego’s marriage. It hasn’t helped that Hermione was very cold towards me when we got together this weekend to work on the tablet again. She barely spoke to me and looked like she was counting the seconds until we finished. I’m supposed to meet her at her flat this weekend again, but I have a feeling she was looking for a reason to cancel.

Last night I refused to spend another night alone in our flat, so I wrapped up in a cloak and scarf and head for Diagon Alley. I took a seat at the bar in Herbidean Black. I don’t know why it sounded like a good idea to go to a club by myself, but I wanted to be surrounded by people, I didn’t care if they don’t know me. I had no plans of getting smashed like I did in Egypt, so I had faith that I could take care of myself.

After a bit of innocent flirting with the bartender, I was surprised to be joined by Roger. Apparently he and his teammates had gone out to celebrate a good practice, and were a bit lonely in their new “proper” lifestyle.

“Are you meeting someone?” he whispers in my ear.

I turn around and smile. “Hello, Roger. Now this is the type of place I would expect to see you, chatting up every available witch.”

“Aww, Padma,” he says playfully. “I thought I told you those days were over.” He motions to a table in the back of the club where a group of blokes are sitting. “I came out with my teammates for a drink after practice.”

“Sounds quaint,” I reply, taking another sip of my drink. “You should go back, I’m sure they miss you already.”

“Now why would I go sit with that lot when I could stay here and talk to you?” he questions, giving me that charming smile again.

I hate that my stomach flutters. I don’t want to be attracted to Roger, I really don’t. I’m sure he’s nothing but trouble. But at the same time I feel drawn to him. He’s someone that I know doesn’t care about my past; he’s someone with a past of his own. It feels good to have him look at me like I’m special.

“I don’t know,” I finally reply. “I suppose I look better in a skirt than they do.”

Roger throws back his head and roars with laughter. “Isn’t that the truth!”

I ended up staying at the club until close to closing, talking and laughing with Roger. I know in my head that it is too soon to start having feelings for another bloke, but the flutters in my stomach don’t seem to understand that.

My Valentine’s Day really was horrible. Earlier today I received an owl from Bill Weasley, asking me if I had seen Ginny. His owl was short, and I worried about her for the rest of the day. I still haven’t heard if she ever turned up, but I’m assuming no news is good news.

After I heard from Bill I went out to walk through Diagon Alley, simply to get out of the flat. My heart dropped when I saw Anthony walking down the street with Lisa. They weren’t holding hands or anything, and I know they’re not together, but it brought back so many painful memories. But after the painful memories I remembered the good times I had with Anthony, and the fun I used to have with Mandy and Lisa. I miss Mandy more than anything at times like this. I’m just glad Parvati and I have been getting along so well lately; I don’t what I’d do with out her. I’ll be glad with Valentine’s Day is over and she doesn’t have to work quite as much.

In fact, I’ll be glad with Valentine’s Day is over, period. I just want this day to end. Tomorrow, I’ll pull my head out of the sand and apply for the job at the Macmillan Foundation.

Second Chances

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 03:06:46 GMT

Since my trip to St. Mungo’s yesterday, I’ve really come to think of this flat as home. It felt strange to sign a new lease; not that I am trapped here, just that I’m beginning a new chapter of my life. I suppose now that I have a completely clean bill of health I should find a job. I don’t want Mum treating me the way she used to treat Parvati. It’s bad enough that she thinks poorly of me for the whole Diego situation. Besides, I don’t have much in the way of savings, and Parvati and I can’t survive on her salary alone.

Today I’m planning on walking to Diagon Alley. I need to go to the Ministry to enquire about employment, but I thought I might go look for a book on Egyptian History to see if it would help with the tablet. I wish I had Melinda’s mind to pick through, but now I’ll just have to make do with what I can find. I doubt there will be a book out there on Egypt I haven’t already read, but it can’t hurt anything to look.

Even though living in Knockturn Alley without Diego makes me a bit nervous, its convenience to Diagon Alley makes it worth it. I walk out the door, careful to remember to lock it behind me, and start down the narrow hall. A tall man is walking towards me, but he looks exhausted and is looking at the ground. I try to step out of his way but there isn’t enough room to move in the tight hall and he bumps into me.

He looks up, startled, noticing my presence for the first time. “Sorry, Pa –” he begins, but his voice trails off and his eyes widen when he looks at me.

It suddenly hits me that this is our neighbor, Dean Thomas; our neighbor that I was absolutely horrible to. I’m wracked with feelings of guilt and I wonder how many other people are probably scared of me because of the way I treated them. No wonder Diego broke up with me…

“Padma, I’m so sorry,” Dean says quickly. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. You aren’t hurt or anything, are you?”

“No, no,” I assure him. “I’m completely fine. Better than fine, actually.” A look of relief crosses his face and I smile. “Actually, I suppose I need to apologize to you.”

“Why?” he asks, looking confused. “I’m fine.”

I bite my bottom lip and ponder how to begin apologizing. I don’t want to get into all of the gory details of everything that went wrong in my life, but it’s important that my neighbor knows I’m not typically a horrible person. Especially now that I’m sticking around for good.

“It’s just that, I was completely terrible to you the other day,” I say quickly. He looks surprised so I start talking faster. “It’s just that, I was angry because I had to go back to St. Mungo’s because my head was still bothering me, and my boyfriend had left to go back to work and I wasn’t allowed to. Then, of course, I hit my head twice, once on your dresser and once on your elbow, and I just knew that my healer wasn’t going to let me go back to work.” Dean still isn’t saying anything, and for some reason I can’t seem to stop talking. “Later that day was when I found out everyone I work with had disappeared, so I suppose it’s a blessing that I wasn’t there. Of course, it turned out that I was cursed the last time I went to Egypt, and that was what was making my head bother me so much. Well, not the last time I went to Egypt; the last time I went my boyfriend dumped me and the Egyptian authorities tried to accuse me of being the reason the team I worked with disappeared.”

“Padma,” Dean cuts me off, looking completely overwhelmed. I can feel my cheeks flush; I had no intention in telling him all of that… It just sort of slipped out. “It’s fine, really. I know what it’s like to have a bad day.”

“I just don’t want you to think that I’m a nightmare of a neighbor, now that it looks like I’ll be sticking around for awhile,” I say, pushing my hair behind my ears. I can’t believe I’m so nervous. I suppose I just think that every bloke I bump into now is going to call me a slag and run away. Like Diego did. I feel my cheeks flush again and I examine Dean’s shoes.

“I don’t think you’re a nightmare,” Dean chuckles.

“Good, it’s just that we didn’t start out on the best of terms,” I sigh. “If you ever need anything, don’t be afraid to knock.” I pause and grin at him before adding, “Just don’t leave your dresser in front of our door first.”

“Only if you promise not to scowl at me the entire time I’m in your presence,” he replies.

I laugh and find myself slowly relaxing. Maybe my life isn’t going to be quite as bad as I thought. First Ron was able to spend time with me and help me through a rough night, and now Dean is willing to forgive me for being completely awful to him. I won’t allow myself to think about my encounter with Anthony; he obviously didn’t know the things I’ve done. But maybe not everyone will hold my… mistakes… against me forever.

“Well, I suppose I should get going,” I say. “I’ll see you around.”

We try to pass each other, doing an awkward dance in the narrow hall as we try to go the same way.

“It looks like we’re destined to keep bumping into each other,” he grins, “Better bring your helmet and eye protection next time.” We laugh and I put my arm on Dean’s so we can pass each other.

“Bye!” I call over my shoulder as I head for the stairs.

“Later, Padma,” he replies as he disappears into his flat.

I take the stairs two at a time and walk as fast as I can without running out of Knockturn Alley. Mum’s not happy this is where we’re living now that it’s permanent. Of course, she wasn’t happy that I was living with Diego, either. Maybe she does know what’s best for me after all.

“Padma!”

I freeze in my tracks and try to figure out where the male voice that is calling me is coming from. I jump as someone grabs my arm while my head is turned.

“Roger!” I exclaim, surprised to see my old schoolmate. We were never actually friends at Hogwarts, but everyone in Ravenclaw knew who he was. I’m more surprised that he remembers who I am than anything. After all, he’s a famous Quidditch star these days.

“I haven’t seen you since I left Hogwarts,” he says, giving me a charming smile. “What have you been up to?”

Of course he would start with a sore subject

“I was working out of the country,” I reply, deciding not to spill my guts for the second time today. “I’d ask what you’ve been up to, but I think everyone in London knows.”

He smiles again and puts his arm over my shoulders. “Oh, you can’t believe everything you read, or hear for that matter. Let me buy you lunch and we can catch up.”

“Roger, there’s not much catching up to do,” I reply, shrugging his arm off my shoulders.

He looks at me curiously. “How’s your sister?”

I didn’t think Roger knew Parvati. It’s polite of him to ask after her, though. “She’s fine. She got a new job recently playing with flowers.” My eyes widen and I cover my mouth with my hand. I can’t believe I just said that! “I mean, arranging flowers,” I correct.

He laughs and puts his arm back over my shoulders. “Now you have to let me buy you lunch.”

I give in and allow him to lead me to The Leaky Cauldron. “Why do I get the feeling you normally frequent more upscale restaurants?” I ask.

“I’m the same, normal bloke you knew at Hogwarts, Padma,” he replies. “I just get to do what I love for a living now.”

“Right,” I laugh as he directs me to a table in the back of the pub. “A normal bloke that has witches throwing themselves at him on a daily basis.”

“You’re not throwing yourself at me,” he points out.

“I don’t think I’m your type,” I sigh. “You know, like the three blonde witches that were glaring at me when we walked in.”

“They used to be my type,” he admits with a shrug, “but not anymore. Quidditch players have been getting a bad wrap in the press. Anyone that wants a shot at the National Team has to clean up their act.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning my days as a playwizard are over,” he says with a grin. A very charming grin. My stomach gives a small flutter.

“So you admit you’re a playwizard?” I ask teasingly.

“Was,” he corrects, leaning closer into me across the table. “I have to grow up. You’re looking at me strangely,” he comments. “What’s wrong? Can’t handle eating lunch with a bloke with a past?”

My mind immediately jumps to my own tainted past. It’s not up to me to judge Roger; especially since we’re just doing something simple like eating lunch. Maybe a bloke with a past would be able to look past mine.

“I know what it’s like to have a past,” I admit, examining my hands on the table.

“A past,” Roger says softly, placing his hands over my own, “is nothing to be ashamed of.”

I smile as I feel a flutter in my stomach again. The rest of the lunch is a blur to me. I actually enjoyed Roger’s company, though he spent more time talking about Quidditch than I would normally like. It just felt good to have a bloke focus his attention on me again. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that the bloke in question is as good looking as Roger.

Maybe things really are looking up for me. Roger said he’d owl me sometime so we could do lunch again. I’m not going to expect anything, but who knows what’ll happen. Now if I can just find a job, I might actually have a shot at getting my life back. I won’t allow myself to contact Anthony about a job. I don’t want to fall back into the trap of old feelings, and I don’t want Anthony to know me as the tainted person I am today. I never thought that I could have any of my old life back, so I won’t get greedy with things I know I can’t have. I still miss Melinda… and Diego… but it’s time to move forward.

A Clean Bill of Health

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 05:12:25 GMT

“So, did you come by yourself today?”

I look up from my nails and nod at Healer Jones. “My sister is waiting for me outside.” I go back to examining my nails as my healer continues to look over my test results. I’m not nervous this time. I know I feel better, so I’m not too worried about what my test results say. I’m more worried about how I’m going to pay for my share of the lease Parvati and I signed this morning.

“It’s good you have someone who cares so much about you,” Healer Jones says, setting my file down on the table.

“She’s my sister,” I shrug. “I’d do the same for her.”

“Some blokes might be jealous of your relationship,” he comments as he leans against the table, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Neither one of us have a bloke,” I say. I knew last time I was here I picked up on his interest in Parvati. It’s even more obvious now. He’d make a fine match for her.

He smiles at me. “It looks like you’re completely fine.”

“Brilliant,” I reply, hopping off of the examining table. “Am I good to go?”

“I think so. You can go out to your sister. I need to look over one last thing, but I’ll meet you two in the waiting room.”

I fight back a laugh; I know he’s just looking for an excuse to go see Parvati. I walk into the waiting room and she rises as I approach her.

“Everything looks great, he said,” I tell her quietly.

A look of relief crosses Parvati’s face. “I’m so glad.” She gives me a small squeeze before kissing my cheek. I roll my eyes in response, but it feels good to know she cares so much. I know that no matter what happens, Parvati and I will always come back to each other.

“Honestly, you shouldn’t worry about me so much,” I grin. I don’t want my serious thoughts bring down our conversation.

“Padma’s lucky to have a sister like you.”

I smile as I hear Healer Jones approach us. I hope he’ll have the courage to really talk to Parvati.

“Thank you,” she replies politely.

“Parvati, of course you remember Healer Jones from our first visit,” I say stepping slightly away from the two of them.

“Yes, of course,” Parvati says as she steps forward to shake his hand. “Thanks for looking after my sister.”

He smiles at her and grasps her hand in-between his own. “A pleasure.” He really is trying his hardest to be charming. I’m not sure charming is his strong suit, but he is a healer and quite good looking. I catch Parvati’s eye and give her a small wink.

“Um, well, thanks for taking care of her, Healer Jones,” Parvati says as she pulls her hand away.

“Call me Kirby.”

I can’t help but smile as Kirby continues to attmept to impress my sister. She could use someone to take her out for a good time even once and again. Merlin knows I’m not much fun these days and she needs to do something other than work. At least one of us should have a love life.

“It was very nice to see you again, Kirby,” Parvati replies. “We have to look at those robes before Madam Malkin’s closes.”

“Right.” I can take her hint, but I decide to take matters into my own hands before we leave. “Then perhaps we can pick up that thing you left at your work. Fernmeyers. Have you heard of it, Kirby?”

He shakes his head.

“Padma,” Parvati whines. I’m sure she’ll thank me for this one day.

“It’s right next to Ollivanders—Parvati does the flowers there.”

“Sounds like a brilliant job,” he replies.

“Thanks,” she says quickly, grasping my wrist. “We best be off. Have a good evening.”

As she tugs me out of the building I hear Kirby call good-bye to Parvati.

“What are you doing to me,” she whispers fiercely.

“What?” I reply innocently. “He’s good looking and a healer.”

“I – Padma – look,” she stammers. I look at her closely. She pauses and glances in the other direction. “Let’s get going before Madam Malkin’s closes.”

The robes Mandara has chosen for us are horrible. Parvati is much more fashionable than I am, but even I know these robes are hideous. I do have to admit, however, that I’ve had more fun with Parvati these past few days than I have in a long time. She is able to make me forget about all of the hurt and pain, even if it is only for a little while.

“I don’t understand why you don’t want to give Kirby a chance,” I tell Parvati while we’re in the dressing room. I leave the room I’m in and stand with my arms crossed waiting for her. The robes fit me terribly; there isn’t anything flattering about them. Though, I suppose it shouldn’t matter. Who am I trying to impress?

“You look like a banana,” I snort as Parvati walks out in yellow dress robes.

“She wants us to look ugly,” she replies sarcastically.

“I have to say, I agree with you.”

We stand side by side and examine each other’s reflections. It’s funny to me how we’re identical, yet I’ve always felt she was prettier.

I sigh and tug at the fabric around my waist. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I think we ought to suggest we wear something more traditional.”

“You’re right,” she agrees. “Then we won’t at least look like we belong in a circus.”

“Anyway, you aren’t seeing anyone right now, are you?” I say as I enter the dressing room again.

“Well, no…” her voice trails off. I wish I could convince her to go out with Kirby. She certainly used to see blokes all the time. I don’t know why she can’t give a good one a chance now.

“Kirby’s a nice bloke,” I call. “And he’s fit.”

“Maybe you should go out with him then.”

I want to tell her that I can’t go out with anyone anymore, but I don’t think she’d understand. She doesn’t seem to care as much about reputation and tradition as I do. After all, she did go chase a bloke around France before moving home and spending all of her time partying. I give her all the credit in the world for turning her life around, but we’ve lived two very different lives. It’s not like my heart has really moved on from Diego yet anyway. I walk out of my dressing room and wait for Parvati with my arms crossed over my chest.

Parvati walks out of her dressing room. “Sorry.” She always can tell when I’m upset.

I shake my head. “Nevermind,” I say. “Just think about Kirby. I think you’d make a good match.”

We walk out of the store and back to our flat, each lost in our own thoughts. I think it’d take a burden off my chest if I could talk to Parvati about my future, but I’m just not ready yet. Saying it aloud will make it feel more real, I suppose. I’m just grateful that I’m alive. I could have easily been in Egypt and been among the missing.

“You’re quiet,” I finally say when we reach our flat.

Parvati shrugs. “I’m thinking about Kirby.”

I hope she gives him a chance. I haven’t the heart to ask her if anything ever happened with Neville. I suppose that was another situation I thought might go away if I never spoke of it. It was so clear to me that he had feelings for her, but I think she’d be much better off with a more established bloke. A bloke like Kirby.

Seeing a Familiar Face

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 18:52:57 GMT

Hermione and I have been meeting about once a week to work on Anubis’s tablet. Yesterday, though, was a bit different. Hermione was so completely distracted we didn’t get any work done. I had to question her a bit, but she finally opened up and told me that Harry was in a coma. I couldn’t believe it. He’s always seemed so untouchable. Poor Ginny must be wracked with grief. I’ve been planning on owling Ron sometime soon to thank him for taking care of me, but now I need to owl Ginny as well to give her my sympathies.

After Parvati left for work this morning, I decided to Apparate to Hogsmeade to do a bit of grocery shopping and take my mind off of things. Mott’s Green Grocer has reasonable prices and normally isn’t too crowded in the mornings, from what I’ve been able to tell since I’ve been back in England.

I pass Blackwell’s Books and Bindings, fighting the temptation to enter and look around. Sighing, I walk into Mott’s and begin to look for the items on my list. I made it half way through my list when it happened.

“Padma.”

I recognize the voice before I turn around. I take a deep breath, spin around, and face the first bloke I ever loved.

“Anthony.”

He looks at me the way he used to when we’d study together; like he knows he needs to work but he’d rather be kissing me. The look unsettles me, and I have to fight to keep my composure.

“How’ve you been?” he asks softly.

“Fine,” I answer briskly, not wanting to enter into the details of my personal life with him.

He gives me a small smile. “I’ve been worried about you. I read about the attacks in Egypt, and was terrified you were among the missing.”

I wish Anthony would just leave me alone. The look of concern in his eyes is completely genuine, and I can’t stand to let the anger I’ve felt for him melt away. I don’t want to think about our past together. I don’t need to remember how it felt to watch Lisa and Anthony groping each other in the Ravenclaw common room.

“I was home visiting my family,” I explain.

“How are they?” he asks. He still hasn’t wiped that unbearable look off of his face.

“Fine,” I answer, chewing on my bottom lip. It’s taking every bit of control in my body to keep the emotion out of my voice, and if something doesn’t change soon I’m going to crack.

Anthony smiles at me. That same, cute, grin that he used to give me before he told me he loved me. I wonder if he gave Lisa the same look. I wonder if he loved her.

“I’m so sorry about your boss,” Anthony continues, “I’ve read some of the things she’s done. She was a brilliant woman.”

It surprises me that Anthony’s read anything of Melinda’s; he never expressed any interest in Egypt or her work the entire time we were together. “I miss her a great deal,” I finally say after several moments of silence.

“Did you, I mean, is anyone else close to you missing?” he asks, lowering his gaze from my face.

He’s asking if I lost a boyfriend, isn’t he?

“No, Diego was here with me,” I reply, temporarily forgetting that I’m no longer with Diego. It amazes me how often that happens; I don’t know how I can ever forget about something that still makes my heart ache. Anthony must not know about my relationship with Diego, or else he probably wouldn’t be talking to me.

“Diego’s your boyfriend?” he asks, sounding disappointed. I’m surprised by his tone; he can’t still have feelings for me after all these years. Not after Lisa.

“Ex,” I correct. I can’t stand the look of hope on his face. I hate to feel so angry at someone after all these years, but he moved on so quickly! I’d rather feel anger towards Anthony than the pain that Diego caused me. “How’s Lisa?” I ask, trying to let him know he’s not forgiven for his prior actions.

“She’s fine,” he replies casually.

“So you’re still together?” I ask, sounding much harsher than I intended.

“No!” he exclaims. “We broke up right after school. We never should have been together. She was nothing but a mistake for me. I wasn’t ready for another relationship, but she eventually understood and we’re still friends.”

“It was a bit soon,” I say dryly. My heart leaps as I finally hear the gratification I’ve been waiting years for. He admits it was too soon! He knows it was wrong!

“I’m sorry if it hurt you,” he says softly. My eyes are drawn to his lips and I remember what it used to be like when we kissed. I feel a chill going down my spine and I hate myself for it. I’m the one not ready to move on yet this time, and I know when I do move on it won’t be with Anthony. I’m not the type of girl he deserves, and I know it even when I’m mad at him.

I wish I could stay angry with him forever, but I can’t bring myself to stay angry any longer. He knows it was wrong, he’s apologized, and it happened so many years ago. If I want people to overlook my reputation and give me a second chance in life, shouldn’t I be able to do the same for someone I once loved?

My shell finally cracks and I smile at Anthony. I’m not sure how to part with him; I can’t tell him I’ll see him later and goodbye doesn’t seem like enough.

“I hope you’re well,” I finally say. “I suppose I need to finish my shopping.”

“Me too,” he says. “I hope we bump into each other again sometime.”

I smile at him again before turning away to continue on my shopping.

“Padma!” he calls. I turn around and see him scribbling on a piece of parchment. “This is my Floo address, as well as my street address. I’m currently doing an apprenticeship with a Potion’s Master, but my official employer is the Department of Mysteries. They could always use a brilliant mind like yours, if you’re interested.”

“Thanks,” I reply, pocketing the parchment. I don’t expect to contact him. If he inquires about me at all, I’m sure he’ll hear that I’m tainted goods and won’t be quite as willing to help me find a job.

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Good bye, Anthony.”

“Bye, Padma.”

I continue my shopping, but my mind is back with Anthony. He really did act like he still harbored feelings for me. I haven’t thought about him like that in years, and I’m sure he won’t think about me like that for much longer. No one will, once they find out about my mistakes.

Sharing the Good News

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 01:59:32 GMT

When I woke up this morning I felt better than I have in a long time. It’s amazing to me that my body can tell the difference between natural sleep and potion induced sleep, but it can. It feels like my entire outlook on life has brightened some. Granted, I know my life isn’t going to be what I imagined it would be, but I have hope now that I can find something other than cats to make me happy. Melinda spent her life married to her work; that’s something I can do now that my mind is free again.

I’ve come to accept that Melinda is probably dead. It doesn’t do much good for me to hold out hope that she’s still alive. I can’t torture myself with those thoughts. I’ve also kept myself from hoping that Diego will come back to me. I know I shouldn’t want him back… but that doesn’t keep me from missing him.

Hermione and I have been making progress on the tablet. I think we have the basics of the potion sorted out, despite the missing piece and that fact that we’ve yet to identify what the second thing on the tablet is. We’re taking it piece by piece now, and I can accept that. Normally I’d be killing myself trying to get the whole thing done as quickly as possible, but not anymore. I realize what a difference it makes to have my mind working properly, and I’m not going to risk overworking it so soon. Hermione seems to be as distracted as I’ve felt, so she hasn’t been complaining about working minimal hours.

The bad thing about not doing much other than sleeping and working is that I haven’t seen Parvati since Bill removed the curse. I haven’t been getting up until after she’s left for work in the morning and I’ve been back in bed by the time she gets home. Not tonight, though. Tonight I’m going to stay up no matter how tired my body feels and tell her the good news.

I started cooking about an hour before I knew she was due home. This is typically the time of day my body starts to remind me that I didn’t treat it properly for over a month, but I’ve rested enough today that I’m fine. I have dinner waiting on the table when I hear the front door open.

“What’s that smell?” Parvati asks, hanging her cloak over the back of the couch.

“Roast with potatoes,” I reply, walking out of the kitchen.

“I’m surprised to see you up,” Parvati says, giving me a quick hug. “I’ve been worried about you lately… you’ve been sleeping so much.”

I can’t help but smile. “It’s a good thing,” I assure her. “I’m better now.” She raises an eyebrow skeptically. “I was hit by a curse when I went back to Egypt in December,” I explain, “and it was affecting my mind. Hermione Granger came over to look at something I had brought home with me from Egypt, and she figured it out. Bill Weasley was able lift the curse and I’m completely better.”

Parvati squeals excitedly and throws her arms around me. “You’re really better?”

I laugh and nod. “I just can’t believe I couldn’t tell how much the curse had been affecting me!”

Pulling away from me slightly, Parvati’s face grows serious. “I rescheduled your appointment at St. Mungo’s for Wednesday, and it would really mean a lot to me if you would still go.”

“Parvati, I’m fine,” I reply.

“I know, but it’d make me feel better if we went, just to make sure. You’re the most important person in my life, I don’t want to take any risks,” she says.

I pull Parvati into another hug. “Of course I’ll go,” I whisper. I think the least I can do is give her a little peace of mind; I was so awful for so long.

“Thank you. After you’re given a clean bill of health, we can go out to lunch to celebrate.”

“You know I’m sticking around now, right?” I ask as we walk into the kitchen. “I don’t have anything to go back for…” My voice trails off as I try not to think of everything I lost in Egypt. I shake my head and continue, “I know I don’t have a job here, and I’m going to have to see about renewing the lease on our flat, but I think this is where I should be right now.”

“You should be with your family,” Parvati finishes.

I smile and take a seat at the table. “Exactly.”