Once again, I’m consumed with feelings of guilt. Last night I didn’t go out to fight against Lucius Malfoy’s forces attacking Hogsmeade. I was asleep as soon as I had eaten dinner since I’ve been working so hard lately, but I know that even if I’d been awake I wouldn’t have gone to battle. After Peru, my entire body just breaks out in shakes at the mere thought of being part of another battle. I know that one day I will find myself in the middle of a battlefield again, but I’m just not ready yet. Thinking about fighting makes me think about Ernie and my selfish thoughts before he died; thinking about fighting makes me think about almost dying myself.

Not only did the Order lose the battle last night, but Dean was there and lost his job because of it. He lost his job because of his involvement to try and help the war. Maybe if I had been there something would have turned out differently.

Or maybe I would have been another casualty of the war…

I shudder at the mere thought of losing another of my friends to the war. I really thought we were through of the times when we lived in fear. I have to wonder if we’ll ever see peace in our lifetime.

“Tea’s done,” I tell Dean as I walk into my living room and sit on the couch next to him. I place the teacups on my coffee table without ever really offering one to Dean. I fixed it more for something to do than because either of us wanted it. I lean against him and snuggle under his arm. He leans his head against mine and sighs.

“Thanks.”

“Things will work out, you know,” I remind him gently. “You’re too talented to remain unemployed for long.”

“What’ll pay the bills in the mean time?” he asks.

“It’ll just remind you what it’s like to be the starving artist type,” I tease, poking his side.

Dean laughs and pulls me onto his lap. “Is that so? I thought it would be impossible to starve as long as you were in my life. You’re always trying to fatten me up.”

“Hey!” I squeal as Dean takes advantage of his grasp on me and begins to tickle my sides. I start squirming in his lap trying to get away. “Stop it!” Dean only laughs and doubles his efforts. I start kicking and flailing my legs around, but I’m laughing too hard to really care. I love these moments of silliness with Dean. With everything else going on, it’s the moments like these that make the hard times bearable.

“Ouch!” Dean yelps as one of my flying arms accidentally collides with his chin. I guiltily slide to the floor as Dean rubs his face.

“I’m so sorry!”

“I bet,” Dean snorts, trying his hardest to sound angry with me.

“If you had just stopped when I asked,” I laugh, leaning back on my elbows. “You got what was coming to you.”

“So I deserved to have my teeth loosened by your elbow?” he laughs. “No, I think you need to be punished in some way.” He slides off the couch and places his legs on either side of me. He reaches forward and places his hands on either side of my arms so I’m effectively pinned in place. I know we must look a sight, trapped on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, but the moment is so strangely intimate that I feel a chill go down my spine.

“What’s my punishment going to be?” I whisper as Dean leans forward so his face is only inches from my own.

“We’ll work something out,” he says, so softly I can barely hear him, before pressing his lips against mine. I slowly lower myself to the ground and pull Dean with me. A small moan escapes my lips as his body weight settles on me. Dean trails his hands along my sides and turns his head slightly as I kiss his neck. I trail kisses along his jaw and bring my hands up his back. I slowly run my foot up his leg, bringing the leg of his trousers with me.

“Dean.” His name escapes my lips like a call for something, but even I’m not sure what. I arch my back slightly, trying to bring myself even closer to him. He runs his hands through my hair and then drags them back down my sides.

“Ouch!” he yelps, pulling away from me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious. Dean sits back on his knees and swears under his breath. I finally realize that he’s holding his elbow, and that it’s bleeding slightly.

“I hit my elbow on the table and something cut me,” he explains.

“We must not have fixed it properly after we, er, broke it,” I reply, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. “Where’s my wand? I can help with the cut.” Dean motions to the kitchen and I pull myself from the floor. A few minutes later Dean’s arm is as good as new, but the moment is effectively ruined. He does look a little mussed from the effort though, and I can only imagine that I look the same. I give him my hand and pull him from the floor to the couch, and we settle back into the same position we started in before the tickling began.

“Tea’s cold,” Dean says, a hint of laughter in his voice. But his joke doesn’t have the effect I think he intended; it reminds me of why I made the tea in the first place. I sigh and try to get as close to Dean as possible. I need to feel the warmth of his body when everything else in the world feels bleak.

“Parvati’s leaving,” I say glumly. I don’t look forward to not being near my sister again. Even though we don’t see each other as much these days, I know that she’s just down the street.

“She’s leaving for love,” Dean points out. “Real love this time instead of the fantasy of a French bloke.”

“You know that if you have trouble finding another job and money gets tight, I’m here for you, right?” I feel Dean tense slightly, and I quickly move to clarify. “I just meant to say that we might consider moving in together if you were struggling with the rent. Not that I’m trying to make assumptions about our relationship or what you might want. I just wanted you to know that I thought it might be an option if things came to that. Merlin, I’m rambling again!”

Dean chuckles and kisses my temple. “I think we can just take things one day at a time.”

I nod and we fall into comfortable silence. Dean’s right though; right now all we can manage to do is take things one day at a time.