I think I’m losing my mind. I went to visit Dean last night, but after seeing how awful he looked I couldn’t manage to face him. Does he know that I’m the one responsible for his kidnapping? If he does, he must me angry with me. I’m so disappointed in myself; I can’t imagine what he thinks.

I throw a few more of my things into my suitcase and sigh. I’ve decided to leave the country for a little while. I went to have lunch with Mum and Dad today, and Mum suggested that Parvati and I go stay with her parents in India for a little while. While I doubted Parvati would want to go, I was glad to hear Mum’s meddling for once. I feel like I just bring trouble to everyone I love, and think that getting away for a little while may be the best thing for me. That way I won’t have to face Dean or deal with how he must hate me.

I don’t realize I’m crying again until I notice the wet spots on my suitcase. I’ve taken a leave of absence from work and, with some help from Dad, have pre-paid the rent on my flat for the next few months. It was one of the things I asked from Mum when I said I would go. I needed to know that I’d have a place to come back to when I was ready, and Mum was just happy that I was agreeing to remove myself from all of the attacks. I didn’t bother to argue that the attacks could spread around the world, or that she couldn’t lock me away from the troubles in the world this time. I need to get away for awhile.

Of course, I know I’ll be back at the end of the week for Ginny and Harry’s wedding. The question is where I’ll be going after that. If I can make myself feel better in India than I do right now, I may stay for an extended period of time. Mum wants me to stay until the attacks completely stop. I didn’t bother to tell her that may never happen. I just want to stop feeling so guilty, and I’m willing to try anything.

I feel bad for leaving Parvati right now when she’s broken hearted, but she above anyone else understands doing what you think is best for someone else. Since she’s still sleeping a lot to recover from the spell damage she suffered at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange, we said our goodbyes earlier today. I haven’t told her my trip is indefinite, she just knows that I’ll be back for the wedding.

Dad arranged for me to take an international portkey tonight with some of his contacts in the Indian ministry. There isn’t really time to say goodbye to anyone, but I’ll be back soon. Honestly, who would miss a walking disaster like me?